Hey Pimpy-

So, hypothetical situation.  There's a girl who has it really bad for this guy, and she thinks the guy might dig her but she's not certain.  As a guy, how would you suggest she approach him on the subject?

'Lock, can you go ONE DAY without being an ass?

yeah, okay starlock. you a dumbshit. ill say why after i answer lrsdudes question.

okay lrsdude, your asking about love. that is not something that i am so expert in, becuz it will eat your soul. that shit is radioactiv. but it sounds like you into that, so ill give it a shot. first i will make fun of your for being a little bitch tho.

haha, cry bitch! you got nobody!

okay then now. you askin if love is gonna last forever. forever is long. you not gonna live that long, so its really like, for your life. for this stuff we look to old people. i know some old people.

now you see these old people. they married for like a hundret years or somethin. you think they love each other like young people love? fuck naw. young love is all fuckin like, stress and shit. young people always fighting and freakin and fuckin stupid. if old people was like that, they would be dead. that shit would kill them. old people is like, just chill with each other you no? they just really really chill. like they been together for a hundret years, so they just chill now.

i think about it, and i think old people are able to be chill a way that young people aint. like a deep chill, a hundret years deep. old people love is made of chill. young people love is made of that fire shit you talkin about.

now if you wanna have that fire shit all the time, you can do it. but you gotta keep putting wood on a fire. but for love fire, you would put girls instead of wood. now i know you saying, 'why would i need some more girls? i only need one.' cuz it sounds like you like that special girl shit. you think if you already have a girl, why you need more. and i no what you sayin, you lazy, you dont wanna look for girls if you already got one. a bush in the hand is worth 2 birds, or whatever. but listen what im sayin.

i can tell from your shitty relationship that your just a kid. kids are dumb as shit. your relationships are gonna be dumbshit fire things, with all the stressin. you spread that shit out between more girls, then you got someplace else to run to when things are shitty right? it just makes sense. everybody wins.

also, try to date like more than two women, cuz like what if the first one and the second one find out about each other? you want to have that third bitch ready. so like, odd numbers.

so go out there man, you young, you single, you can have any of a million pussys out there. you smell that pussy? i think you can. smells good right? haha no it smells kinda funny. but that's okay cuz it feels good. get somma that before you old. okay next question.



tgu. you have a question. starlock has tried to answer it. thats not his job, i dont no why hes here, but he brings up something good.

see starlock, you a dumbshit. you tellin tgu to be a ho. i would tell her that too, but she acshully trying to get a guy. she wanna be a she-pimp. i respect that.

now tgu, i dont no if you wanna bang this guy, or if you wanna romantisize him. but either way you dont wanna just offer him head. unless you really smokin, like he would already he sprung on you. if hes already sprung that could work. or if hes 13. but if hes not sprung yet then hes gonna think you a ho, and nothin but a ho, and if hes into that he will bang you, and if hes not then you dun struck out.

but heres the thing about hos. i like hos. guys like hos. im glad theres hos in the world. but you dont keep a ho. hos, and well, most dumb bitches, they like uh... like popcorn. you get some, and then you finish, and then you throw that dumb bag away. im glad for hos, cuz i like popcorn. maybe you wanna be some popcorn for this guy, but even if you do, just offerin to suck him might be weird.

see half the fun of popcorn is getting it. or something. wait. no yeah. okay like, if somebody comes runnin to you and say 'want this free popcorn?' and you be like 'aw man, i bet theres somethin wrong with that popcorn.' see that? probably something wrong with free popcorn. maybe they spit init. its about sellin the shit. look at the shit i told peebs. you dont offer a suck by sayin it, you offer it with your eyes and shit. or just jump the guy, just dont ask him permission or anything. talking is bad. flirting is good. at least, if you wanna be popcorn.

if you acshully wanna romanse this guy, that is tricky, cuz you a chick. guys is supposed to romanse the chick, not the chick romansin the guy. if you do all the work, then yous really cuttin his balls off, you no? not like for real, but like if you is the man, then he doesnt have his balls? you no what im sayin. on the other hand, you give him the green light, and like you confident, then he will be sprung. guys like confidense just like girls like confidense. if you confident then hes gonna think you maybe a she-pimp, instead of a dumb ho. but you gotta let him be the man too.

so yeah, im callin this the green light. you go to him and you say 'hey you. guy. i was just thinkin. your a guy, and im a girl, and you no, im not bad lookin... kinda funny you havent asked me out yet you no?' and then the guy be like maybe like 'uh' or maybe not say anything, and then you say 'but you no, whenever.' and he be like 'okay.' yeah? yeah? you like that? thats fuckin PIMP. do that.

damn im good. i could be a pimp even if i was a bitch. i would be rich. get me some fat paternity money. but yeah, if dont ask you out some time after you say that, then hes a little bitch, afraid of his own dick. or just no into you. but a pimp is not afraid of rejection tgu. there is no rejection for a pimp. there is no rejection, there is only dumb bitches who dont no what there missing. you get me? sure you do.

i think thats about right. ask me questions kiddys, i get to em.

pimpy, i told a girl she likes me and she said no. so i told her harder and now i have to be at court tomorrow. problem is i killed my lawyer again. how should i kill the judge?

Dear Pimpy,

Can you help me? I think you're starting to rub off on me. I'm propositioning every girl I know, and generally acting like a jerk. Every woman I look at appears as nothing but a challenge to me. I just crudely propositioned a female friend of mine through a text message at 1am. Then I told another female friend about it online, and proceeded to proposition her. What's wrong with me? -Lars

Hey Pimpy, I've been wondering this for the longest time....what do you do for a living?
-Machiavelli33

Hey Pimpy, when was the last time you had to smack a ho for not givin you the money she owed?

can i slap one of your hos?

Pimpy, I'll credit you for any of those I use, except the first one, because I'm not going to credit you for one you stole from me. 

And don't bring legality into this or I'll have to shoot Ponsy's new lawyer, and we all know where that leads.

Ooh... *bites tongue*