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LrsDude    Topic opened May 01, 2006, 02:48:36 AM

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Hello everyone.

This thread is based on a suggestion from Mach, which I loved at first, but now it scares me. Still, fear is no reason not to do something, so here is our newest feature: Ask Pimpy.

Essentially, ask Pimpy questions. Generally he is considered to be an 'expert' about issues between men and women. But I guess you could ask him about anything. Without further ado, I will now turn this intro over to Pimpy. -Lars


hey. so i dont really no what this thing is about, but i gess this is for the kids in the world who need my help. cuz your all stupid, you need pimpy. i will tell you how to live,and then it willa ll be good. poor lost babys. come to pimpy. haha     -peace bitches

PS: Good lord, I'm so very very afraid. -Lars
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K Reply #1 in Re: Ask Pimpy — Posted May 01, 2006, 12:43:30 PM

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Dear Pimpy,

What is the saddest thing?
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Pimpy MacPlaya Reply #2 in Re: Ask Pimpy — Posted May 01, 2006, 01:57:51 PM

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the saddest thign what? the saddest thing you said? the saddest thing to happen? i think the saddest thing is your question.

for your answer, i think the saddest thing is all you kids like you who dont know what there doing. ask a better question next time. next!
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Peebs Reply #3 in Re: Ask Pimpy — Posted May 01, 2006, 05:02:24 PM
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*Uncle* Peebs

Dear Pimpy,

Can you help a brother out?  I do not have what you might call "game".  I'm having intense difficulty scoring all the fly ladies.  Can you help to inform me as to the source of my problem and assist me out of these predicament?

Keep it real yo.
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ponsy Reply #4 in Re: Ask Pimpy — Posted May 01, 2006, 10:24:25 PM
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pimpy, why is it that every time i carry around a bucket of pig semen, everyone wants to vomit in it.
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Pimpy MacPlaya Reply #5 in Re: Ask Pimpy — Posted May 02, 2006, 02:59:49 PM

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okay, so i got questions from peebs and ponsy. i like your name ponsy. i'll do you first, cuz its easy.

hahaha ponsy, your bucket is nasty. howeva, i will give you a dollar to drink it. it has to be the whole thign tho. ready, go!

peebs peebs peebs, did you ever come to the right place. unfortunatly, i no way too much about this stuff. like it would fill a book, like if was ever gonna write a book, that's what it would be about. i'm not gonna write a book tho, maybe if somebody wrote it for me and i cood just put my name on it.

okay so first, here is a head exercise thing. watch what i do here. here goes.

okay, so if a guy says he has no game, then he is right.

and if a guy says he has game, then he is right. unless he's lying.

you see what i did there? the point here is something i bet you heard before. confidense. i can tell you dont have confidense cuz your like 'oh pimpy, i dont have game' see, so i no you dont have it becuz if you did you would say... well like nothing. cuz you would be out mackin. i bet everybody says 'oh peebs, you just gotta be confident' 'oh peebs, you just be confident and then i'll do you' 'oh peebs if you could only be confident i would let you be all up in me but for now carry my bags'

the bullshit is that they say confidense but they dont tell you waht that means. they are not pimpy. i am pimpy. i am a scientist of pimp. did i mention you are at the right place?

i am gonna now tell you how to be confident. confidense isn't just the things you do, its like inside you. you are unconfident cuz your donw on yourself. you think about the bad shit like how you dont got game. from now on, everything you think about yourself has to only be good shit. your like a spin doctor, like a carsalesman guy. you talk about yourself and you talk shit up.

dont be like 'man, i got no game' be like 'man, these bitches dont know what they MISSIN!' then you gotta think about all the reasons your the shit. you no theres reasons right? sure there is. you no the reasons. think about all them reasons. now think about them again. you confident yet? lets continyou.

next, when you talkin to girls, you probably think you gotta say all this good shit or whatever. thats bullshit. you dont hardly gotta say anything. you DEFINITELY dont gotta say anthing smart. chicks dont even care about what you say, they only care about how it makes them feel, see? they just dont wanna be bored, they wanna think your cool, there like chidlins.

here is how you talk to them. first, the smile. its not like a 'hi, i like you' smile. its like a 'i am so fuckin cool i dont even care that your here' smile. remember that part, i think im gonna come back to that. next, eye contact. you gotta stare them down. make all the eye contact you can. stare down chicks you never saw before. it makes them horny, cuz they know you da boss, see? you can talk about almost nothing but you keep smiling and keep staring. dont talk a lot. less words is better. ask questions. when they tell you stuff, just kinda nod and look at them, but like so they dont no what your thinkin. be misterious.

the way you mind should be for this stuff is you gotta think in your mind like your the coolest guy in the world. you talk to these chicks, but in your mind you think 'i am the king of this planet, i already own this woman, she just dont know it' in your mind you gotta imagine like your a rapper, or a sport guy, or a billionare, or all of those things. when you talkin to a girl, you gotta be like in your mind like 'i got five victoria secret models at home, but im bored a them so imma talk to this girl a little...' you just keep smilin and starin at her cuz you happy, cuz you the shit, and you not afraid, cuz she aint no thang.

dont hug a bitch. friends hug. you dont wanna be a friend. thats a hole with no bottom. dont touch the girl unless you grindin up on her, or unless she wanna kiss your mouth. like, like the way you make em kiss you, is like you do a face, and its like the face i said before, only its like relaxed. you only try that if you think shes feelin you though, and if theres a place for it.

think about this stuff before you go to sleep at night, like right before you sleepin think about how you a billionare. in two weeks you gonna be confident. do shit you like. doing shit you dont like eats confidense, so have some fun. chicks like guys cuz guys do what they want, they into that. they envy it cuz they gotta do all that chick stuff that they hate to do. like not eating. you just gotta be all happy and havin a good time and cool, and they wonder what your secret is.

talk to any girl you see. talk to em on the bus, or wherever. say somethin stupid, it dont matter as long as you smile. dont compliment girls, they hate that, they think you depserate. get they number for something. call them once, tell them to meet you at a party or a club. if you leave a message only say 'hey, it's peebs, call me back' and if they dont call you back, dont call again. just remember you too damn cool for most of these girls. if they dont llike you they stupid, if they like you they smart. its an intelgense test, and you didnt want them dumb bitches anyway. pratise on ugly girls. you gotta walk before you can run you no? and they so grateful.

thats all i gonna write for now, i gotta go. i can tell you more shit if you got more specific shit to ask. -werd, pimpy
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S*S Reply #6 in Re: Ask Pimpy — Posted May 02, 2006, 04:15:44 PM
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...Dammit, that actually made sense to me. What the hell?
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TGU Reply #7 in Re: Ask Pimpy — Posted May 02, 2006, 04:38:36 PM
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"Big damn heroes, sir!"

Hey Pimpy -

Is all your big talk about banging tons of women really just a way for you to compensate for your ridiculously small penis?
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Pimpy MacPlaya Reply #8 in Re: Ask Pimpy — Posted May 02, 2006, 10:49:48 PM

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that is a very interesting question tgu. but im confused. when was the big talk exactly? or do you just not like my advice? maybe you wanna tell peebs how to get game?

cant wait to hear from you babe.
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machiavelli33 Reply #9 in Re: Ask Pimpy — Posted May 03, 2006, 10:01:59 AM
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Not your typical chinaman.

Dear Pimpy,

How do I tell if a girl likes me?

-Lost and Confused
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Pimpy MacPlaya Reply #10 in Re: Ask Pimpy — Posted May 03, 2006, 02:51:51 PM

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dear lost,

you tell a girl likes you by telling her she likes you. if that doesn't work, tell her harder.

-pimpy
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LrsDude Reply #11 in Re: Ask Pimpy — Posted May 03, 2006, 02:53:32 PM

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((The opinions of Pimpy MacPlaya are his own, and do not reflect the opinions of ZetaChannel, LarsComics, Blockhead Industries, or their affiliates.))
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Pimpy MacPlaya Reply #12 in Re: Ask Pimpy — Posted May 03, 2006, 02:54:52 PM

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haha you fuckin lawyer
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ponsy Reply #13 in Re: Ask Pimpy — Posted May 03, 2006, 04:39:14 PM
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pimpy, why is it every time i bust a cap in a lawyer i get thrown in jail?
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Pimpy MacPlaya Reply #14 in Re: Ask Pimpy — Posted May 03, 2006, 08:35:51 PM

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because nobody respects freedom to express yourself anymore.

and because god is dead.

good question pons.
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machiavelli33 Reply #15 in Re: Ask Pimpy — Posted May 03, 2006, 10:18:28 PM
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Not your typical chinaman.

Dear Pimpy,

How should I dress if I want to impress da ladies?

-Naked in the Cold
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Pixie Reply #16 in Re: Ask Pimpy — Posted May 03, 2006, 10:48:54 PM

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Beldaran

Dear Pimpy,

Where did you get that awesome hat? Can I get one too?
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Buttkins Reply #17 in Re: Ask Pimpy — Posted May 04, 2006, 12:29:34 AM

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Dear Pimpy,

I have two questions. First, why was I born? Second, can guys and girls ever just be friends? :-\

DGAF,
Buttkins
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Pimpy MacPlaya Reply #18 in Re: Ask Pimpy — Posted May 04, 2006, 04:27:22 AM

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dear naked in the cold, that ain't gonna work.

if you were naked in the warm or the hot, that would be a different story. but cold is gonna get you some bad advertising when your naked. maybe start with some board shorts if your talking about cold water.

as far as how to dress, it depends on the situation. but i'll give you some general stuff. you don't want to dress to stand out, unless you're a millionare or you killed somebody. if people dont automaticly respect you cuz of something like that, you best want to dress as much like everybody else as possible. chicks like to fit in, they make fun of people that stand out. dress like everybody else, but have clothes that a just a little more expensive. chicks like a guy who wastes money. but mostly you wanna rely on your game, clothes are just like... like the rapper. for the candy. talk about your candy. you arent selling the rapper, your selling the candy. girls like candy. -pimpy



dear beldaran,

i killed a man for this hat. i mean... i found it. you can't prove i dint. for you, i would say maybe look on the inernet? i never been, but i hear they have lots of stuff on there. -pimpy



dear buttkins,

you no its funny, your name sounds familyer. i think i know another guy named that. anyway, questions.

first, you were born becuz your parents are stupid. condoms expire.

second... hahahahaha, wow man. i would say that ugly bitches and dickless guys could totally be friends. acshully no, they sound like a perfect match. hmm. not really. why do you wanna no? has some bitch got you on the friend leash? lose her number. acshully, keep it so you can screen her calls. -pimpy
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LrsDude Reply #19 in Re: Ask Pimpy — Posted May 04, 2006, 05:14:13 AM

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Hey Pimpy.

So like, I've been in an on-again off-again, sometimes-happy sometimes-horrible relationship for about seven or eight months, non-consecutively, and it just ended for good. I'm really not sure how I feel about it because there were times when I wanted it to end, but when it ended wasn't one of those times. I know we weren't able to make each other happy, and I agreed that separating was the right thing to do, but I'm still sad that it ended. To still love and care for someone, and yet not fight to stay with them, is a new experience to me. It seems like a contradiction, and the confusion has got me wondering about the validity of love itself. But that might just be a symptom of a relationship that didn't work. To be honest, it seems like the passion had decreased to a lukewarm feeling, and it wasn't something we wanted to fight for anymore. I guess that's what really disturbed me, the idea of love becoming something that isn't important. My question is, can firey burning love that makes all else seem trivial last forever, or will it always turn into a more casual thing? And can that casual thing ever be just as much worth fighting for as the firey passion is?
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