I *used* to have lots of yarn. Maybe, if I can find my yarn bat, I'll post a picture of it. I think it's probably still in a box in the basement somewhere. Now I just have beads. Endless little plastic compartments full of beads. And wire. And other sparkly stuff.

ACCESSORIZE, MAN!

What do I look like? That shmuck from GGW?
Assuming that such an act wasn't horrifically inappropriate, and that blue-clad people with tasers wouldn't drag me away, I'd still be far too shy to even consider that.

Instead of boobs, how about some tea. Tea and this hemp and seashell bracelet. Yes.

I don't need confidence building. I need body-building!
Wait. You may be on to something here..... How many calories do yo figure you burn running from angry mobs and taking blunt objects to the head?
Lessee.... 10 calories per minute of terrified pursuit.... Fifteen for every blow to the brain resulting in memory loss.....

We've moved bed rooms every time my wife was with child. Which should mean it'll stay where it is now.

For the first time ever, I... managed to act reasonable about my appearance. Either this is a definite sign of improvement, or a negative sign of deepening apathy towards other people. Or maybe both.

I've always had issues with being overweight. I -am- overweight. I'm very paranoid about it; there's a part of me that's certain I am The Thing if ever I was to be naked. It's been this way for as long as I can remember...

But recently, I've started reversing that. Yes, I am overweight. I may not be attractive to most people. Or at least, some people. But... that's okay. My personality should be primary anyhow, not my body- I don't WANT the type of people who would pursue me on grounds of my appearance alone. I'd prefer to be leaner, but...

Well, anyway, I've been working on it. Small steps. One of the larger ones was posting in N_F- but only the more flattering pictures. (So sue me!) Today, it was fucking hot. I was dying. So...

I wore a sportsbra, and no shirt, all evening. I'm NOT a skinny girl. I don't think I'm enormous, but I'm not the kind of person that media deems is allowed to wear just a sportsbra. I wore the damn sportsbra, and... was NOT as hugely overheated. Right in front of people. Including a male I'm marginally attracted to. And I didn't panic, or beg social reassurance, or anything. I felt the stirrings of it at first... then... I stopped caring. They thought whatever they thought, and whatever it was, it doesn't matter. Because this is who I am, and this is what I look like, and wearing clothes doesn't REALLY mask one's appearance ALL that much anyway. And... I did it. I did it I did it I did it!

... it is difficult for me to explain, but, today was fourteen years of abuse and phobia sliding away. I am who I am, and they can judge as they will. It doesn't make a difference, and I -know- I am beautiful, even if I don't necessarily love the way my body looks.

Edit: Also, I'm doing so much better at NOT being a doormat... I stand up for myself in a way that is not aggressive, but also no longer passive. I could stand to improve... but I am doing so much better. I have so much to be grateful for in my life; all these experiences have culminated in this rapid personal growth I'm experiencing... I wouldn't have had the chance to become this, had events gone differently.

I'm so pleased with myself right now, and so thankful for the peace I feel...

Seeing those you care about grow and mature is strangely uplifting.  Almost* makes me want to rethink my decision not to breed...


*but only almost

If you talk really quietly to a person with only one working ear... they cannot hear what you say.

I bet it's government agents.  They have a habit of sneaking into people's places at night and dumping crappy music on their computers.

I HAD an enormous amount... but then I deleted four gigs. Now I'm rockin. 

I realized today that my boss only answers one question from me per day.  It doesn't matter if I send him several questions.  It doesn't matter if they are requests for vital information.  He will answer one single question per day.