Author Topic: Jokes! (Read 16941 times)

toolazytoworktoobusytostop · « **Reply #180 on:** August 07, 2011, 06:19:47 AM »

How many Freudian Psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb and one to hold the penis.

Ladder. Dammit.

marpa · « **Reply #181 on:** August 31, 2011, 02:43:54 PM »

A man in hospital bed wearing oxygen mask over his mouth. "Nurse", he mumbles. "Are my testicles black?" Nurse raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand & his testicles in the other, ...she takes a close look & says, "There's nothing wrong with them, sir." The man pulls off the oxygen mask, smiles at her & says very slowly. "Thanks for that, it was lovely but listen very, very carefully. Are-my-test-re-sults-back?"

MetaCortex · « **Reply #182 on:** September 17, 2011, 08:41:18 AM »

Did ya hear the one about the man who lost the whole left side of his body? Turns out he was alright.

DarthParadox · « **Reply #183 on:** September 19, 2011, 09:35:08 PM »

What temperature is the inside of a tauntaun?

(click to show/hide)

Crystal · « **Reply #184 on:** September 19, 2011, 09:49:13 PM »

*groan*

toolazytoworktoobusytostop · « **Reply #185 on:** October 06, 2011, 04:54:43 PM »

Rather than just copy it:


Stephen is defeated by a Newcastle Accent

The Thieving Bastards!!

Also, stolen (again) from The Times Eureka magazine:

Albert Einstein's girlfriend said to him, "I only want two things from you - time and space."

Einstein replied, "So.... what's the second thing?

toolazytoworktoobusytostop · « **Reply #186 on:** October 27, 2011, 04:53:56 PM »

Brendon Burns greatest ever idea: (no video and I've paraphrased a little, sorry)

We should go to the top of Mount Everest and drill a hole 5 miles deep and throw in a dead dog, then fill in the hole. Just so that in 20 billion years (or whatever) whichever animal has risen to the top of the food chain will find that fossil and go, "Where the FUCK did that come from?!?!" and for good measure, give it a gunshot wound and a crown.

oh knee · « **Reply #187 on:** December 11, 2011, 07:47:33 AM »

I'm a few years late on this, but we just watched the end of season 4 of HIMYM on Netflix last night.

What's the difference between peanut butter and jam?

--- I can't peanut butter my dick in your ass.

K · « **Reply #188 on:** December 11, 2011, 11:14:29 AM »

Clearly, you've never run out of lube at just the wrong moment...

Gudy · « **Reply #189 on:** December 12, 2011, 01:12:51 AM »

Crunchy or creamy?

toolazytoworktoobusytostop · « **Reply #190 on:** December 12, 2011, 09:19:00 PM »

Burny, I suspect.

The Revolution · « **Reply #191 on:** December 12, 2011, 10:38:20 PM »

Hey, Oh is just like anyone else.

Just wanting to spread his nut paste around

oh knee · « **Reply #192 on:** December 13, 2011, 06:57:06 AM »

Lorelei · « **Reply #193 on:** December 24, 2011, 12:27:24 PM »

Since the christmas holidays are fast approaching, and you may be attending festivities where alcohol might be served, I would like to share an experience with you about drinking and driving. As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years. A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many beers and some rather nice bourbon. Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before - I took a bus home. I arrived back safely and without incident,which was a real surprise since I had never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got this one.

S_C · « **Reply #194 on:** January 07, 2012, 11:09:41 PM »

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Jap, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, a Libyan, a Muslim, a Hindu, a Buddhist and an African went to a night club.

The bouncer said, "Sorry, I can’t let you in without a Thai. "

Tamsin · « **Reply #195 on:** January 12, 2012, 08:04:52 AM »

Lorelei · « **Reply #196 on:** January 19, 2012, 08:47:55 PM »

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second mom, Ann: "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turned to the third mom, Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand, and whispered, "Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea what he's talking about. Let's pick up Peter and Willy from school and go get dinner.”

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Author Topic: Jokes! (Read 16941 times)