My grandmother is not having a particularly good night, and that means I am not either.  So I figured I'd lapse back into some of the things I used to do back when she really got to me (which she kind of almost did today).  Hence, poem.




This silken blue collar around my neck
Keeps me from my romance with the streets
Though I dress not in white
The filth of fresh air stains my clothes

These ugly blue bruises on my skin
Bind me to my isolation nights
Though I sing soft and sweet
The grit of stale air burns my throat

Those deep blue eyes you swear I have
Alert me to the presence of your face
Though I hide in the dark
The breath in your lungs gives me hope




...I'm not sure about the ordering of the first two stanzas.  The first line is good the way it is, and the other way it's too abrasive.  But I want to keep up the to/from theme, and have it alternating properly.  I like doing poetry with subtle themes and different kinds of repetition and other techniques.

Any comments, critiques, suggestions?