It's incredibly orgasmic if you add a layer of philly-whipped cream and sugar (adding citrus if you'd like) and gobs of gooey jam inbetween said dry and wet layers.

Scuz me now while I go FUCK my cake
 

Homemade . . I don't do that McDonald's crap.

Only prime ingredients for this schlong.

 

Jambalaya

I don't generally use a written recipe for this.  I kind of picked it up from a couple websites and my own previous experiences.  For my latest one I'd boiled a whole chicken the night before along with the trimmings from the celery, a couple carrots, a couple onions, some salt and pepper and a bay leaf to make the chicken stock for the recipe.  I used the meat from that chicken the next day for the jambalaya.  You don't have to do this of course so I'll just assume you got boneless chicken breasts for this.  All amounts are flexible according to taste.

Ingredients:

1 lb smoked sausage (or andouille sausage)
1 lb cooked and shredded chicken breasts
1 lb medium to large shrimp
1 lb cubed ham
1 medium onion diced
3-6 cloves garlic smashed
Hot peppers to taste, diced
2 green bell peppers roughly diced
1/2 can tomato paste
1 28 oz can crushed tomatoes with liquid
2-3 cups chicken stock
2 cups long grain rice (or possibly brown rice, though this would take longer to cook)
Canola or vegetable oil (about 2 tbsp?)
Salt, pepper, oregano, basil, cajun spice mix, parsley or any other spices you want

First you need a nice big pot or ideally a dutch oven.  I use my 8 qt stock pot.  Put the pan over medium-high heat and coat it with oil then sprinkle with salt.  Once it's hot add the hot peppers and let them sweat out a bit to infuse the oil with some heat.  Once you notice the peppers softening add in your onion.  Once the onion starts to go a little translucent add in the garlic and bell peppers.  At this point if you wanted to you could also toss in some celery, but I'm not a fan, really, so I just leave it out.  Once the bell peppers start to soften you can add in the tomatoes and tomato paste and bring the mixture to a simmer.  At this point you can taste and season the mixture.  You should over season a little bit since you've still got all the meat to add and the rice. 

While the sauce is simmering I like to get out another pan and put it over high heat (you might want to use peanut oil if you have it for this since it's got a higher smoke point).  If you have cast iron, great, otherwise just use the heaviest skillet you've got.  Get it nice and hot then add a small amount of oil then toss in the sausage.  Heat it until it's browned (i like it lightly blackened) then remove it from the pan and add it to the sauce, but leave the oil behind.  Next toss the ham into the same pan and brown it as well then add it to the sauce.  Finally add the chicken to the pan and toss it around as well.  I season the chicken with some salt and pepper as well just to give it a bit more flavor before adding it to the sauce.  I then normally deglaze the pan with the chicken stock then add it to the pot as well.

Bring the whole thing back up to a simmer then add the rice.  If it looks like it's going to be too wet add in more rice.  If it looks like it's drying out while it's cooking add some more chicken stock.  Cook the whole thing until the rice is tender (about a half hour for white rice, an hour or so for brown).  This will usually make enough for about a week's worth of meals for me.

Another quick and easy veggie meal from the cabinet, heavy on carbs, not so great on protein.

Simple Collegiate Cous-Cous
1 1/2 cup water
1 cup dry cous-cous
1/4 cup golden raisins
1/4 cup cashews
1/2 cup frozen peas
dash olive oil (optional)
dash seasoning (optional)
dash lemon juice (optional)

Combine everything but the cous-cous in a skillet that has a lid handy.  Bring the water to a boil.  Sprinkle in the cous-cous, stir quickly, and cover.  Turn the heat off but leave the skillet on the hot burner.  Wait three to five minutes.  Eat with a dash of lemon juice.

I use Spice Island's spicy chicken seasoning but a lot of spices will work well; basil is another favorite.  There's lots of fancier versions out there but many times I just want to eat now, and this recipe is good for hot, moderately nutritious food fast.

Ingredients:
Pasta with Tomato and Bacon Sauce

    * 1/2 lb. of bacon, chopped
    * 1 x onion, chopped finely
    * 8 cloves of garlic, thinly sliced
    * 1 x large can of crushed tomatoes
    * 2 sprigs of fresh rosemary, minced
    * Salt and pepper
    * 1 box (600 g) farfelle, penne or spaghetti pasta

 
Directions:
Pasta with Tomato and Bacon Sauce

   1. Brown bacon in a large saucepan. Add onion and sauté until they soften and begin to caramelize, about 3 minutes. Add garlic and continue to sauté for a few more minutes. Pour in tomatoes and a splash of water. Add rosemary and season with salt and pepper. Simmer for 1 hour.
   2. Bring a large pot of water over high heat and bring to a boil. Add a liberal amount of salt and when it comes back to a rolling boil, add pasta. It is done when just tender to the bite. Drain the pasta, but do not rinse.
   3. Add pasta to the finished sauce, adjust seasoning, toss and serve.

OK, despite the raisins, my tummy is now rumbling BADLY!

Grilled Chicken Salad
This is a nice versatile recipe. By changing the greens and the marinade you use, you can pull a lot of varied dishes out of this.

1. Prepare chicken!
Get chicken breasts. Trim the fat off and put them in a bowl big enough to marinate in. Add stuff in which to marinate. Some nice combos:
-Dash soy sauce, dash sesame oil, splashes of teriyaki, clove or two of garlic, a bit of ginger, scallions, black pepper, splash of sherry.
-BBQ, black pepper, red pepper pieces/flakes.
-handful of cut-up cilantro, juice of a lime, splash of sherry or white wine, 1 small garlic clove, white pepper, sprinkle of thyme
-red wine; spoonful of capers; fennel seed, slightly crushed; black pepper; oregano; thyme
-olive oil, balsamic vinegar, basil, thyme, dash oregano, pinch sea salt
Marinate in the fridge for at least half an hour, stirring it up when you remember.

2. Get greens!
Baby spinach. Spinach. Endive. Lettuces of various types. Arugula. Cilantro. Kale. Cabbage. Any of these are good. Wash 'em and tear 'em up into bits. Put in a big bowl.

3. Get... other tasty stuff!
Craisins. Sunflower seeds. Almond slivers. Dried apricots. Steamed green beans. Edamame.  Toasted pine nuts. Carrot. Mushrooms of whatever kind you fancy. Cucumber.
Get whatever of these you like. Get other similar things you like that I did not list. If it is small, good. If it is not small, slice, cut up, shave, or break it into small bits.

4. Grill chicken!
I like a Foreman grill. You may have a grill pan or a broiler in your oven. You may even be a lucky bastard and have a proper grill and a place to use it.

5. Slice chicken!
Slice your chicken into... slices. And put it on top of the greens in your bowl.

6. Add tasty stuff!
Add handfuls of your Other Stuff to the bowl. Toss.

7. Eat!
I like to drizzle oilve oil and balsamic vinegar onto servings and then toss a bit more, but you can do whatever you like. I do feel that using a lot of premade dressing kinda defeats the purpose, though: A simple, healthy, delicious, easy meal or snack.

Chocolate and Butterscotch Brownies

1. mix: 2 eggs, 1 stick of butter, 3/4 cup of brown sugar, 3/4 cup of white sugar, 2 1/4 cup of flour together.

2. add 3/4 cup of water

3. add 1 tspn of baking soda

4. add 1 tspn of vanilla extract

5. mix very well

6. add 1 cup of milk chocolate morsels

7. add 1 cup of butterscotch morsels

8. add 1 cup of rice crispies

9. mix with a spatula

10. bake at 350 degrees for about 22 minutes. Use a metal pan about 13 X 9 (or whatever the usual pan size is) If it's not done in 22 minutes then just check every two  minutes or so.

Goat cheese and aspargus omelette with fried tomato:

Mix two eggs and a dollop of cream, for the omelette. Filling will consist of a slice of goat cheese (Chèvre soignon) broken into little bits, and 3-6 chopped up stalks of asparagus. So simple, so tasty.

Heat up a generous amount of fat (I mix pure coconut oil with a bit of butter - if the omelette can't slide around, it's doomed), and pour in the omelette mix. When it's getting done, spread the filling all over and slide it out halfway on a plate, then fold it over. While the cheese melts a bit, you fry a sliced up tomato in the pan.


...well, I broke this one a bit, but it still tasted good.