For the most part I agree with you, but there are instances where it isn't as cut and dry as this. If your abuser/rapist is in a position of power over you, even if there is no threat of physical or emotional harm implied, there are times when they will take advantage of that power. Not wanting to disappoint someone you love can make you do things that you wouldn't otherwise do. Maybe it's a psychological thing, but I don't think I would really classify it as an impairment.

Ok, this may come off as blunter than intended.

How many times and in how many different ways did I state in my post that I wasn't talking about abusive relationships?

Is it actually necessary that when I refer to abusive relationships I spell out every single possible dynamic that might relate to an abusive relationship, including physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or religious manipulation?

There are dozens if not hundreds of possible permutations for coercion, and if it must actually be said, then let me say it:

I am referring, when I talk about coercion and abusive relationships, to all possible forms of intimate partner relationship in which one partner maintains a non-consensual control over the other, including but not limited to physical threats, emotional abuse, economic pressure, forced pregnancy, religious abuse, threats of child custody loss, threats of violence against property or pets, non-consensual sexual domination, isolation from friends and family, imprisonment, threats of outing an unconventional lifestyle, denial of access to medical treatment, controlling access to prescription drugs, deliberate addiction, controlling access to addictive drugs, and refusal to acknowledge dietary restrictions.  There are more.  I know there are more because I just thought of five more to add to this list but I'm stopping because it's starting to depress me a little.

Let me say again:  I think I made it pretty fucking clear I wasn't talking about abusive or coercive relationships, and it actually kind of bugs me that I should have to spell out that list instead of having the assumption made that I'm ignorant of the wide variety of abusive dynamics available in society.

I know a lot of men who apparently want to have sex with the transit system because the vibrations on the bus will sometimes give them erections.

Motherfuckers not honoring my dietary restrictions.

I'm having real trouble understanding you, Mikaiten.

Surely, if one person feels incapable of saying no it's an indication of an unhealthy relationship, isn't it?

I don't mean the situations where one partner "gives" the other sex, even when they don't feel like it - because they choose to do/give something nice for their partner. You specifically said "It can still feel like rape." I find it slightly worrying that someone can feel raped in a relationship they consider to be healthy.

Can you help me understand by explaining a situation you can imagine this happening in?

S_C, I guess I'm speaking more about the feeling of being raped or violated. Take a teenage girl with her first boyfriend. She is sure she loves him, she is sure she wants him to be happy, and she thinks that to make him happy she has to have sex with him. She might not be ready, but she does it anyway. They are in the act and she realizes that she isn't ready. But she doesn't say no. She doesn't stop it. She just goes through with it because she doesn't want to disappoint. She's still going to feel violated.

Hopefully she learns from it, but it's not going to change how she feels about the whole situation.

I maintain a policy of "woman directs, I follow".
If she wants to hold hands, she's got to initiate.
She wants to kiss? She has to initiate.
Groping? Sex? Etc? Ditto.


Which, I'm pretty sure, is going to be a source of endless frustration for any woman who wants any sort of spontaneity in any theoretical future relationship with me.