"she nodded with envy"

Gather 'round kiddies, it's story time!

Once upon a time (about 4 or 5 years ago) I was an editor for an e-book company. They mostly dealt with romance novels, but I also edited a horror/sci-fi novel.

The very first book I was assigned was a romance novel which, quite frankly, I can't remember the plot of at all. But as I was editing it, I came to the conclusion that I couldn't just keep it all to myself. I started sending snippits of it to friends (their comments are in blue) and now I share it with you!

"You’re right. You don’t owe me a damn thing. I don’t know why I even bothered." Sable got up from the unstable, wooden chair, drank the last of the bottled liquid and looked down at Gage. "Thanks for the beer." "with sadness smeared across her face" "Just then a notably large smile emerged on his face. He didn’t say a word, but the look in his eyes filled Sable with a burning sensation that hadn’t been there for a long time."
- she should get that checked out.

"The look on his face was one of such distraction that it just made her ache with remorse for not knowing of all his hardships."

"The sweet smell of her hair couldn’t compare to the engaging taste of her mouth."
- BK's comment: *KISS* Mmm... ranch Doritos, MY FAVOURITE!! *KISS KISS KISS*

"Their clothes started to melt away with the ease of careful fingertips."
- BK: EDIBLE UNDERWEAR!!

"And it was beautiful, so different from the way they’d been together as kids. Sable was now a sensual woman, and Gage was six feet of raw male."
- BK: "Sable had grown into a beautiful woman, filled with sensual energy screaming to burst at the seams. Gage had just become a six foot tall summer sausage, pulsing with raw desire."

"She looked to the window as soon as the goose bumps first appeared on her arm. The night air had drastically cooled down from the afternoon before, but that didn’t seem to be what fully motivated Sable to close the window."
- koi: ENOUGH! Please ... I ... can't ... take it anymore! That's just too ridiculous!

"She walked back into the bedroom careful not to wake him up. But when Sable saw the irregular-shaped shadow out of the corner of her eye, her sudden gasping for air couldn’t be helped. "What’s the matter?" Gage shot out of bed and was at her side before the blurriness of her vision could once again refocus on her surroundings. Sable squinted against the darkness, finding it hard to believe her mind had been playing tricks on her. "I don’t know. It was a shadow." Sable pointed out the window. "There are shadows everywhere out here. It was probably an animal.” Gage stepped in front of her and took a look for himself. "If you’re so sure that’s what it was, then why are you holding that gun," Sable said, motioning to his right hand. "Just a reflex I guess, being woken from a dead sleep.""
- he awakes from a "dead sleep" at the sound of a gasp? Sorry... not bloody likely!

"Every time she looked into those pools of burnt sienna within his eyes, Sable was lost with nowhere to go but the sanctuary of his arms."
- BK: MY GOD! MY EYES ARE BLEEDING! MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!!

"Due to uncooperative buttons, Sable tore open the front of his shirt and ran her hands down his muscled, smoldering chest."
- BK: Jeezus, she didn't even put him out first?
M: I guess not... poor guy. That has to hurt.
BK: Wait, and HE ran HER hands down his chest? Damn, what did he do, cut them off?
M: no no... the girl is Sable Tongue

BK: Oh, wait. That's right. I get confused, considering both are pansy names. Wink

"Jen stomped by Jake on her way out of the congested barn."
- that poor barn has a cold
BK: Fear, when the barn sneezes.

"to wash his hands of the whole sorted situation"
- Nervy Girl: SORTED????? Asshat can't even spell sordid?

"Sable continued walking to the shower with one thing in mind, the hot water on her body and Gage’s touch burning her senses. Almost motionless, she pulled open the smoked glass door and met his gaze."
- BK: "No Gage! Put down the hot iron!!!!"
BK: How could she pull open the door if she was motionless?
M: I DON"T KNOW!!!!!!!!
BK: "Using her telepathic powers, Sable opened the smoked glass door, met Gage's gaze, and made his head explode in an orgasmic cloud of pink mist."

"Neither of them said a word. Gage extended a hand, brought her naked body to his and pressed the two of them against the warm ceramic-tiled wall. The destination of their dinner was now nothing more than a minuscule thought in their minds."
- BK: "Oh, Gage," she said, cradling his raw summer sausage-like member, "I could just kiss you all over. But I'd have to be motionlessly doing it, thinking of your burning sensuality whilst nibbling on gouda cheese."
BK: Uhm... ceramic tiles would be cold...

FDH: So taking a dump was the last thing on their minds?

"But the smell of home cooking now currently filled the air and she was famished."
- Now... currently? What was this woman thinking when she wrote this sentence? And who edited this and didn't catch the redundancy? (NOTE: Someone had "edited" this book before I got it)

"Let’s dig in," Gage said, already serving Sable up a slice of robust pizza.
- BK: Damn, did he need a chainsaw to cut that robust pizza? It sounds like it could resist the standard pizza cutter.

"Sable shot Gage a forced glare."

"After what they’d shared the night before and afternoon, it would take something really indomitable to come between the two of them. He was confident of that."
- writerPO: Give a million monkeys a million typewriters, and after a million years, they wouldn't come up with Hamlet, they'd come up with that.

"Oh, I’m gonna do better than that." She nodded her head with envy. "You can count on it."
- with "envy"? How do you nod with envy? My brain is leaking out my ears....

Enjoy!