Author Topic: Help, my SO chose gaming over sex with me! (Read 2015 times)

EnsoMu · « **on:** May 19, 2011, 08:35:18 AM »

Quote from: Valdrin on May 19, 2011, 06:01:59 AM

L.A. Noire.

Most assuredly NOT an easy game. Just finished my first real case, after the training missions as a beat cop, and I got 9 of 13 questions right, and it would've been less had I not restarted a couple of times.

Loving it.

Pbbbt, :p Beloved came home, started up LA Noire. I motioned towards our room "The kids aren't home for another 2 hours." she rolled her eyes and hit the Cases menu.

Tamsin · « **Reply #1 on:** May 19, 2011, 11:36:55 AM »

Dude... I feel your pain. I've had the experience of snuggling up to my SO, with or without lingerie involved, and had them look over my shoulder at the game or pout and whine that they're gaming right now, they can't do that.

Bleh.

I suppose if they'd even sounded sorry, or tempted, something like "Oooh... um... honey, I really can't drop out of this taskforce/raid right now...", it wouldn't have stung so badly. Nor if they had decided to go to a save point/safe logoff place/etc. first.

No, it's the combo of being totally outdone by a game and also being treated like you're doing something intrusive and annoying by asking for/offering sex with your SO. It sucketh mightily.

Also - lest you think I am simply yet another girlfriend who doesn't get her gamer beau, I will point out that I game too, and when the situation has been reversed I have either said no while making it explicitly clear that this WILL happen in the very near future, I have said yes and immediately worked my way to a stopping point, or (most likely) I have simply quit. Happily, too.

There just ain't enough love in the world to make a habit of passing it up just to level or unlock a new weapon or whatever.

S*S · « **Reply #2 on:** May 19, 2011, 12:03:12 PM »

I spend the majority of my free time gaming.

The scenario described by Tamsin, and many other girls of my acquaintance, has never occurred to me. I can't even begin to understand it.

K · « **Reply #3 on:** May 19, 2011, 12:12:17 PM »

See, that's why I play turn-based games. Makes for better multitasking.

Valdrin · « **Reply #4 on:** May 19, 2011, 09:32:25 PM »

Quote from: EnsoMu on May 19, 2011, 08:35:18 AM

Pbbbt, :p Beloved came home, started up LA Noire. I motioned towards our room "The kids aren't home for another 2 hours." she rolled her eyes and hit the Cases menu.

This... yeah, no. I boot up game, brand new or otherwise, am about to start playing, and girl says "sex now?" sorry game, but sex wins. Don't care about save points, that's what the menu screen or pause button's for. The ONLY time I would be anywhere near conflicted is if it was during a cinema scene and I couldn't pause it, or if it was a brutal boss battle or something like that and, again, I wasn't given the option to pause.

(Demon's Souls would be hell for my sex life if this ever came up on the rare occasion I play that one)

Hippie · « **Reply #5 on:** May 20, 2011, 01:21:44 PM »

Quote from: Evil Buddha Head on May 20, 2011, 10:23:23 AM

And as far as priorities, all it takes is a nibble on the ear and I WILL log off!

...

Rawr! I'm A Panda · « **Reply #6 on:** May 24, 2011, 03:55:14 AM »

Have I mentioned how much I hate you all, yet?

Cytherea · « **Reply #7 on:** May 24, 2011, 07:59:14 AM »

Quote from: Tamsin on May 19, 2011, 11:36:55 AM

Dude... I feel your pain. I've had the experience of snuggling up to my SO, with or without lingerie involved, and had them look over my shoulder at the game or pout and whine that they're gaming right now, they can't do that.

Omfg, that was one thing I loathed about one of my exes.

(click to show/hide)

...

Currently, I'm restarting Magical Starsign! It's adorable and silly.

catfishncod · « **Reply #8 on:** May 24, 2011, 09:12:48 AM »

Quote from: Tamsin on May 19, 2011, 11:36:55 AM

Dude... I feel your pain. I've had the experience of snuggling up to my SO, with or without lingerie involved, and had them look over my shoulder at the game or pout and whine that they're gaming right now, they can't do that.

Bleh..

Doesn't that qualify for a Datwin Award or something?

Tamsin · « **Reply #9 on:** May 26, 2011, 06:16:39 AM »

Quote from: catfishncod on May 24, 2011, 09:12:48 AM

Doesn't that qualify for a Datwin Award or something?

Thing is, I get torn between "you are an insensitive dumbass and should be up for a Darwin" and "Am I being insensitive with my repeated requests, verging into harassment and coercion if I try to initiate sex when you're gaming, depending on how insistent I get?"

It makes for Sad Tamsin Face. Solution: No dating the Tamsin for such boys. Other boys get Tamsin lovings. *nodnod*

Peter · « **Reply #10 on:** May 26, 2011, 06:21:57 AM »

The day I choose video games over sexy funtimes (especially with anyone even approaching the gorgeousity found here on these boards) I want you all to beat me senseless with cricket bats.

Tamsin · « **Reply #11 on:** May 26, 2011, 06:50:14 AM »

But maybe you don't want sexy funtimes, or at least don't want them with that person. In that case, I must ask why the person consistently chose to game instead of explain the issue. You know, besides cowardice or there being some OTHER hugely awkward/unpleasant issue.

...

Thread-split time, I think.

EnsoMu · « **Reply #12 on:** May 26, 2011, 06:58:37 AM »

<Looks left><Looks right>
<drops smoke bomb>
You know if Beloved ever sees this thread I'm a dead man

That being said it is an interesting topic and also semi dovetails over into my A ponderment: Why do people accept dissatisfaction in the realm of intimacy? thread

TIP · « **Reply #13 on:** May 26, 2011, 07:10:19 AM »

Quote from: Tamsin on May 26, 2011, 06:16:39 AM

Thing is, I get torn between "you are an insensitive dumbass and should be up for a Darwin" and "Am I being insensitive with my repeated requests, verging into harassment and coercion if I try to initiate sex when you're gaming, depending on how insistent I get?"

Certainly constant badgering is not cool on anyone's part, but neither is "pfft, no, I'm gaming. Why the hell would you think I'd prefer physical intimacy, sexual or otherwise, with you, over my game?"

There's a difference between "could we put it off for a bit? I made a commitment to be present for this, but as soon as I'm done--!" or even "sorry, sweetie-pants, I'm not in the mood right now".

There's two issues here, really, and the other is spending "partner time" on solo entertainment. If one's partner is picking time with something else over time with them, that feels bad, and if it's sexy proposals being rebuffed, feeling undesired (and, therefore, perhaps undesirable) just makes it worse.
Everyone needs solo time, but hopefully it can be worked out so that everyone gets their solo time and their partner time.

And then some people are just bags-o'-dicks. There are in fact people (largely but not entirely dudes in my second-hand experience, but that's completely anecdotal) who consider their partner only in terms of themselves. That is, it's always all about what they want. And if they want to play a game, ugh, why is their partner distracting them? If they want [sex act], why isn't their partner obliging? What, "my partner's wants/needs", what's that?

Quote

It makes for Sad Tamsin Face. Solution: No dating the Tamsin for such boys. Other boys get Tamsin lovings. *nodnod*

Their loss!

Peter · « **Reply #14 on:** May 26, 2011, 07:16:31 AM »

I'm assuming interest in the partner. Video gaming as blanket to avoid relationshipy discussions is a-whole-nother kettle of fish.

Tamsin · « **Reply #15 on:** May 26, 2011, 07:16:38 AM »

Quote from: EnsoMu on May 26, 2011, 06:58:37 AM

<Looks left><Looks right>
<drops smoke bomb>
You know if Beloved ever sees this thread I'm a dead man

That being said it is an interesting topic and also semi dovetails over into my A ponderment: Why do people accept dissatisfaction in the realm of intimacy? thread

That thread might help explain why someone remains with the gaming-over-sex partner. What I am wondering, though, is what is going on in the gaming-over-sex person's head:

Is it that the game is consistently better than sex? Is it that the game holds so tight to their mind that not even this basic biological urge can lure them away?

Is it that the trend here is actually the person not wanting sex, or not wanting sex with the SO, and the game becomes the most handy excuse to get out of having to perform?

Why do so many geek and gamer girls (or girls just dating geeks and gamers) have this exact same tale of woe to tell? Why does it almost always seem to be a girl bemoaning a guy's game-over-sex choice? You're the first guy telling this story I've ever come across, EnsoMu. Why does it also seem to be a consistent pattern in a relationship, too?

It's a freakin' cultural trend in our little gamer demographic, and I for one want to understand it, not the least because I've been in the situation.

edit:
TIP: So perhaps at least part of what is going on is that the gamer demographic for whatever reason holds a larger-than-average number of these self-absorbed types, and being gamers, it'll be a game that they choose over their SO? Or... perhaps there aren't any more self-absorbed dudes among gamers than any other group, it's just that in other groups, the Thing is going to be a variety of hobbies or activities, but in gamers it's pretty much always going to be a game, so the pattern of choice becomes more uniform?

Peter · « **Reply #16 on:** May 26, 2011, 07:18:58 AM »

Excessive gaming can be a sure symptom of depression, and quite often, an early victim of depression is libido. Also there's the whole taking someone for granted thing. Some people just have screwed up priorities.

EnsoMu · « **Reply #17 on:** May 26, 2011, 07:21:17 AM »

One possibility is our generation's seemingly increased rate of Autism Spectrum disorders, leads to difficulties in transitions from one form of sensory stimulation to another. I have at times been in the coding zone and all too soon realized "oh crap, its been all night." I don't mean to stay up that late; it just sorta happens.

Rawr! I'm A Panda · « **Reply #18 on:** May 26, 2011, 07:27:35 AM »

Quote from: TIP on May 26, 2011, 07:10:19 AM

There's two issues here, really, and the other is spending "partner time" on solo entertainment. If one's partner is picking time with something else over time with them, that feels bad, and if it's sexy proposals being rebuffed, feeling undesired (and, therefore, perhaps undesirable) just makes it worse.
Everyone needs solo time, but hopefully it can be worked out so that everyone gets their solo time and their partner time.

And then some people are just bags-o'-dicks. There are in fact people (largely but not entirely dudes in my second-hand experience, but that's completely anecdotal) who consider their partner only in terms of themselves. That is, it's always all about what they want. And if they want to play a game, ugh, why is their partner distracting them? If they want [sex act], why isn't their partner obliging? What, "my partner's wants/needs", what's that?
Their loss!

You actually just described that guy I ended things with the other day.

And people wonder why I feel unattractive :/

Tamsin · « **Reply #19 on:** May 26, 2011, 07:31:55 AM »

Maybe part of it is that gamer girls tend to end up with self-absorbed gamer guys more often than our mundane counterparts...

Which goes back to: is it that more gamer guys tend to be self-absorbed, or is something else going on here? Perhaps the obsessive gamer, the guy who is more likely to choose the game over the sex, is going to be a better gamer, and that skill will attract more gaming ladies, to their later libidinous woe.

Active Threads

Personal Menu

Calendar

Author Topic: Help, my SO chose gaming over sex with me! (Read 2015 times)