Author Topic: Nice guys - why don't girls like them? (Read 53703 times)

Dwayne Rivers · « **on:** July 08, 2006, 11:18:17 PM »

Now, this is something that has been on my mind lately... I bet this question has been asked many times, but I still have to ask again - what is it about nice, normal guys that makes them totally unattractive to girls? Why do girls choose some kind of jerks over and over again?

Kyle J Cardoza · « **Reply #1 on:** July 08, 2006, 11:23:45 PM »

The whining, the insecurity, the clinginess, the monopolization of time and energy. And those are the archetypal "nice" guy's good points.

Get the picture?

Note: Given three requests, I'll close this thread. I'm sick of this subject.

Crystal · « **Reply #2 on:** July 08, 2006, 11:47:47 PM »

Anyone else have serious deja-vu?

PoipleAsh · « **Reply #3 on:** July 08, 2006, 11:49:42 PM »

Why don't I like nice guys?

Because I don't want to have a relationship with someone who constantly needs reassurance.

Because I make a point of avoiding people who are insecure.

Girls don't choose some kind of jerk over and over again. They just don't choose you... and your NiceGuy TM Â ilk because well... you're pathetic and your blind.

You would rather live in a fantasy world where instead of Mike from SP you really are a great guy and if only girls would stop long enough to... oh bull fucking shit.

My boyfriend is a great guy... he's a normal guy... he's a funny guy even. He tries to be understanding. He tries to be supportive. He even tries to chear me up when I'm depressed. He's not a perfect guy. He's flawed. He hurts my feelings, he upsets me, he frustrates me, sometimes he doesn't listen... but he tries.

That's what makes you different from the guys who have dates. It's not that you aren't wild or edgy. It's that they fucking try.

And that my dear NiceGuyTM makes it worth the times when I'm hurt, or upset, or frustrated or not heard.

You want help growing and changing so you aren't so repulsive to females? Great I'll be more than willing to give you support.

You want to wallow in a little pity party of one bemoaning the evils of women who just can't see what a great guy you are... well then I'll (and seemingly most women) will consider you a pathetic waste of space.

P.S. My boyfriend has a GIANT penis of doom

007bistromath · « **Reply #4 on:** July 08, 2006, 11:51:09 PM »

I am sick of this conversation too, but only because it is always considered beyond doubt or debate that the guy is "nice" instead of actually nice and just horribly unfortunate. That does happen to some people.

goo · « **Reply #5 on:** July 08, 2006, 11:52:51 PM »

Quote from: lil_poiple_ash on July 08, 2006, 11:49:42 PM

Why don't I like nice guys?

Because I don't want to have a relationship with someone who constantly needs reassurance.

Because I make a point of avoiding people who are insecure.

Girls don't choose some kind of jerk over and over again. They just don't choose you... and your NiceGuy TM Ã‚ ilk because well... you're pathetic and your blind.

You would rather live in a fantasy world where instead of Mike from SP you really are a great guy and if only girls would stop long enough to... oh bull fucking shit.

My boyfriend is a great guy... he's a normal guy... he's a funny guy even. He tries to be understanding. He tries to be supportive. He even tries to chear me up when I'm depressed. He's not a perfect guy. He's flawed. He hurts my feelings, he upsets me, he frustrates me, sometimes he doesn't listen... but he tries.

That's what makes you different from the guys who have dates. It's not that you aren't wild or edgy. It's that they fucking try.

And that my dear NiceGuyTM makes it worth the times when I'm hurt, or upset, or frustrated or not heard.

You want help growing and changing so you aren't so repulsive to females? Great I'll be more than willing to give you support.

You want to wallow in a little pity party of one bemoaning the evils of women who just can't see what a great guy you are... well then I'll (and seemingly most women) will consider you a pathetic waste of space.

P.S. My boyfriend has a GIANT penis of doom

Bitch!

Who said you could talk so much?

You wan'anothuh black eye?

You go out back and clean muh underbritches!

P.S. Yes, my penis is huge.

Altara · « **Reply #6 on:** July 08, 2006, 11:53:40 PM »

I would like to point out that the VAST majority of my boyfriends fall into the "nice guy" category.

So stfu.

PoipleAsh · « **Reply #7 on:** July 08, 2006, 11:55:50 PM »

Sweetiekins,

Remember your friends "TheTwins". If you ever want to see them alive you will remove your cock from your mouth and stop spewing precum all over the forums when you talk.

Love

Ash

P.S. It really is huge

goo · « **Reply #8 on:** July 08, 2006, 11:57:19 PM »

Quote from: 007bistromath on July 08, 2006, 11:51:09 PM

I am sick of this conversation too, but only because it is always considered beyond doubt or debate that the guy is "nice" instead of actually nice and just horribly unfortunate. That does happen to some people.

I don't neccessarily think that it's people who have "nice guy" complexes always. But as far as I can tell, the vast majority of "girls" don't dislike the fact that they're nice, they dislike the fact that they're insecure and unsure and unable to think or focus on anything except their lack of being in a relationship.

goo · « **Reply #9 on:** July 08, 2006, 11:58:01 PM »

Quote from: lil_poiple_ash on July 08, 2006, 11:55:50 PM

Sweetiekins,

Remember your friends "TheTwins". If you ever want to see them alive you will remove your cock from your mouth and stop spewing precum all over the forums when you talk.

Love

Ash

P.S. It really is huge

...

Yes dear.

P.S. Like... huuuuge.

007bistromath · « **Reply #10 on:** July 09, 2006, 12:06:06 AM »

goo: yeah, me and dudes like me are insecure. There's... y'know, not really much that can be done about that right now. I'm doin' the best I can, but talking to people is fucking difficult, and gets more difficult the longer you go without doing it. I treat my friends as well as I possibly can, and knowing myself, I'd be ready to try to go a step further for somebody who would lay a kiss on me every so often. Is it so much to ask that I get hooked up with one of those abusive harpies I'm always hearing about who use their bodies to take advantage of the hospitality of mental wrecks like myself? That's really all I want from life, you know. Just to be of use to/used by somebody, like everyone else.

Note: There's probably sarcasm somewhere in here. Scares me a bit that I'm not exactly sure where it is.

goo · « **Reply #11 on:** July 09, 2006, 12:15:22 AM »

Quote from: 007bistromath on July 09, 2006, 12:06:06 AM

goo: yeah, me and dudes like me are insecure. There's... y'know, not really much that can be done about that right now. I'm doin' the best I can, but talking to people is fucking difficult, and gets more difficult the longer you go without doing it. I treat my friends as well as I possibly can, and knowing myself, I'd be ready to try to go a step further for somebody who would lay a kiss on me every so often. Is it so much to ask that I get hooked up with one of those abusive harpies I'm always hearing about who use their bodies to take advantage of the hospitality of mental wrecks like myself? That's really all I want from life, you know. Just to be of use to/used by somebody, like everyone else.

Note: There's probably sarcasm somewhere in here. Scares me a bit that I'm not exactly sure where it is.

It's kind of a Catch-22, in that much of the insecurity comes from the inability to find a relationship, and as a result of that insecurity, you're unable to find a relationship.

I had just as big of a "nice guy" complex as anyone else when I was in high school. In fact I'm pretty sure I was the first or second person to start one of the nice guy threads on XF.

The way I got over it was that I stopped letting my desire for a relationship or my lack of a relationship determine whether or not I felt fulfilled or happy. Sex is great and relationships are great, but they aren't all there is to life, and sex won't always be available and a lot of the time you have to do it all alone so it makes much more sense to find what makes you happy and be a content person all by yourself without needing anyone else.

Once I'd sort of reached this place, or at least fully come to the realization that sex wasn't the most important thing in the universe as I wouldn't say I'm fully self-sufficient yet, suddenly I found out that there were women who were attracted to me. And good-looking ones to boot.

007bistromath · « **Reply #12 on:** July 09, 2006, 12:25:26 AM »

That's great if it works, but my position is kind of odd. I know that getting laid is not The Goal of Life. And I'm actually getting sexed every once in a while, so that's great. But I still feel like garbage. I'm obviously wanted by somebody, because I share a bed with her every night. In the end though, I still feel undesirable and sort of dirty because I spend a great deal of time with nobody to talk to, and there's these things called "vaginas" which play the same role in my personal reality as the Loch Ness Monster. It is the same problem I have always had only now I shouldn't even have it anymore because the "cure" sticks her tongue down my throat when I ask her to.

So, basically, what the fuck?

goo · « **Reply #13 on:** July 09, 2006, 12:35:22 AM »

I don't know what to suggest about that dude, but that kinda falls out of the "nice guy" area, because clearly it isn't preventing you from getting laid, and more into the "shit you have to work out," area.

007bistromath · « **Reply #14 on:** July 09, 2006, 12:38:38 AM »

Well, the thing about the girlfriend is that it's kind of "cheating" in terms of the whole getting laid thing. Take an important friend you've known for a couple years who is as much of a horny mental wreck as you are, possibly more, combine with some drama, and shake well. I don't think there are many other ways this could've ended up. It doesn't solve the fact that I am still apparently an untouchable monstrosity to everyone who is not her, and that she is apparently blind to my many faults. Primarily, I don't know where she gets this "cute" stuff. Cute is obviously what I'm not.

PS: And here I begin to realize that I sound like her when she gets in the same mood.

The Revolution · « **Reply #15 on:** July 09, 2006, 12:41:49 AM »

can I just simply point out that there's little difference between 'Nice guys whining' about all the 'horrors' done to them in the past by horrible evil women who are all the same and everyone else bitching about how sick they are nice guys because of all the whining they did to them in the past and how they are all the same?

Oh. That's right. One's more socially acceptable. Keep forgetting that.

It's truly possible for a person to be a 'nice guy' and not whiny and all the other crap that was said. Just as it's possible for an emo guy to be fun, a ghetto person can be smart, and a woman to be decisive.

To actually answer the question at hand, the problem is that women are individuals. Whose taste vary with the change of the tide. For the most part, I'll accept it's easier for a man to be attracted to someone than a woman. Therefore, she would only want friendship from you, and yet there still be nothing wrong with you. I know, I know. It sounds like total bullshit, but stranger things have happened. And if she's basing her choice of man on attitude, that's a.) her prerogative b.) the way life goes.

It doesn't always have to be fair, it doesn't always have to make sense, and yes, it hurts like a bitch. But don't make yourself the victim by pretending a group of people are specifically out to get the certain 'catergory' you fall under. Realize the harsh truth: That woman didn't want you. In the long run, it's better that way. Because even if you really cared for this woman, if you see her as just an individual who didn't feel the same way... you'll slowly come to grips with: "Hey. 3 Billion others... Bonus"

Don't victimize yourself, because you are just hurting yourself, and as you see by our peers here, pissing everyone else off. Don't make the double x to be some type of hateful monster that just doesn't see the wonderful guy that you are. Realize that you probably wouldn't pick everyone who comes to you. Realize that Pain hurts as long as you let it. If you constantly dredge it up, it will sting. And yes, Realize that not everyone will like you. It doesn't take away from you. It sucks, but it's one person. Or twelve, or three thousand, seven hundred, and sixty two. Guess what, though?

The odds are still in your favor.

Oh, one last thing. Don't ever come to the internet for sympathy unless you fit into the liked catergories: 'really hot', 'really smart', or 'really bitter'. If you're not one of those, It's like painting a target on your forehead saying "PLEASE BASH THIS WAY!"

007bistromath · « **Reply #16 on:** July 09, 2006, 12:50:57 AM »

One thing I kind of want to point out after Rev's post: it's not the rejection that makes this so painful. It is the endless cycle of seemingly unlikely rejection. Everytime I go for it, I've got my head up high, I know I'm awesome, I can do it, this time for sure! I always have it in the front of my mind that I can't just give up, and I will even after this post. I always will.

I'm going to keep complaining whenever it doesn't work though, because it is a huge pain in the ass. When everything winds up the same way, you can't not see a pattern, and eventually you wish you could just stop touching the stove. "3 billion more. Bonus" is a lot more like "god, not 3 billion more. Why can't this be the last one?"

The Revolution · « **Reply #17 on:** July 09, 2006, 12:56:03 AM »

One thing I want to point after my post is that I've been rejected since I was 15. I was also just rejected recently.

Again. As I put it in my post "It sucks, but it's one person. Or twelve, or three thousand, seven hundred, and sixty two. Guess what, though?

The odds are still in your favor."

Dwayne Rivers · « **Reply #18 on:** July 09, 2006, 01:25:59 AM »

Wow. What an amount of sarcasm!

Hey, I'd like to make it clear - I'm not having any problems with the opposite sex.

Well, not more than the average person, I guess...
I asked because I have this female friend (yeah, just a friend), who keeps going back to the same guy who mistreats her. We've been friends for many years, so I know her pattern - whenever she's being treated nice by someone (even if he's definitely NOT that clinging, insecure geek that was described here), she backs out. It seems to her that if he is nice to her, there's something wrong with him. Like... if she's good enough for him, he's not good enough for anyone else. See what I mean? Instead, she keeps on running after that idiot, saying "he's improving, it will change". Even though she suffered horrible treatment from him already.

dpk · « **Reply #19 on:** July 09, 2006, 01:28:35 AM »

Both situations sound like more self-respect and self-interest is in order. But that's just an armchair diagnosis.

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Author Topic: Nice guys - why don't girls like them? (Read 53703 times)